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  1. #1

    Geas: Broken Gods (5e adventures for FGU Kickstarter)

    Hello there, this is Kris McDermott aka the Maphatter, (the guy behind the Meanders: Modular Battlemaps and Squareware): and I'd like to share an exciting new upcoming project, that has been given permission by Smiteworks, to branch out from my regular map-making into full-fledged 5e story-telling and my hopeful launch of 5 new Fantasy Grounds Unity modules, in a new setting called Geas - coming in August to Kickstarter.

    Please take a look at the project campaign page, as I attempt to move to the next stage of my creative journey within the RPG Industry, with your help And please feel free to ask any questions or leave any feedback. The page is under review but I would appreciate some fresh eyes before I launch, hopefully to interest and excite you, and maybe to catch anything glaring that I forgot to mention.

    GEAS: BROKEN GODS

    Temple Artwork Front Pagex.png

    Kind Regards,
    Kris
    KrisfromGTW / aka 'Maphatter'. gametilewarehouse2020.com

  2. #2
    LordEntrails's Avatar
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    I'm not able to submit comments there, so here they are Please take them as constructive criticism and not complaints!

    First paragraph is not as "catching" as you probably want Maybe put the second sentence first? And add a third sentence? Also, is there a stand -alone setting product? Or just te adventures?


    Third paragraph should probably go in your "Risks" section. i.e. the top part should all be about building excitement and emotional selling, not the technical aspects.


    Paragraph 4 should be the second paragraph. This is the emotional "cool" stuff you want to help sell and get people invested.


    On the included stuff, wat format are the tokens included as? (i.e. 100 pixel png, or...) Same with the Decor assets and other artwork. As well, some of your deliverables are unique to FG (like automated roll-tables) and might confuse people who are looking for the PDFs.


    The list of bullet points "Among the man sights..." seems out of place. Either this should go earlier, or in the Setting section. I think.


    To Martin's point, maybe some of the setting details could be moved to your example/sample PDF?


    Adventure features needs some text (a couple sentences?) before you get to all the graphics/images. Perhaps what the 5 adventures are named or their "hooks" (i.e. an underwater adventure, a courtly intrigue, a x, a z) (Maybe not, as I g lower, I think you have tat elsewhere).


    Your sentence on why you are seeking funding is weak. It's a lone sentence (and is missing a period).


    And your "Is there still magic in the world, papa" section is fun, but way too late at this point. Maybe the first paragraph of it could go at the top? And ten rest into a sample/linked PDFs for those who want more.


    And finally, under "Delivery in 2023:" you are missing "Having completed 3 of the 5 ADVENTURES..."

    Problems? See; How to Report Issues, Bugs & Problems
    On Licensing & Distributing Community Content
    Community Contributions: Gemstones, 5E Quick Ref Decal, Adventure Module Creation, Dungeon Trinkets, Balance Disturbed, Dungeon Room Descriptions
    Note, I am not a SmiteWorks employee or representative, I'm just a user like you.

  3. #3
    Hi Lord, I have made many changes to the page - hopefully enough to meet all of your points, if you have a moment to take another look I would appreciate it. Cheers mate
    KrisfromGTW / aka 'Maphatter'. gametilewarehouse2020.com

  4. #4
    LordEntrails's Avatar
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    Nice updates. I really like the fiction story at the beginning now. I immediately know that these settings and adventures take place in a lost/lower magic world where once magic was accepted and powerful, but is now feared and forbidden. I can also see removing the rest of this story from the end or your campaign and putting it into a formatted PDF. You could list it as a sample or example and give it some style etc so people would know what a PDF might look like. That would also help shorten the entire length of your campaign.

    The quick view is good, but maybe misleading? You say "1-5 adventures", but in the pledge levels you have 1, 3, and 5. (Note, you are missing a 3 module FG option). Maybe this could be more clear? I'm sure a word smith might do better, but here's a draft:

    Choose from a single Stand-Alone Adventure, pick 3 Adventures, A Campaign of all Five Adventures, or the Five Adventures made playable in any order through my Campaign Chain.
    Paragraph beginning "Three of the five intended..." I don't think you should mention FGC or necessarily the years. Some folks will assume this means your stuff is old and not fresh. Perhaps the first sentence could be modified to something like:

    Three of the five intended modules have already been completed - with play-testing of the first and second adventures yielding an average playing time approximating 8-12 hours each. The third module (has been dratted and is currently being playtested) while the the fourth and fifth modules have been .... (outlined and are in development. They too will be playtested, which will then allow for any needed revisions and finalization to be done).
    Parenthesized stuff if only is true, but gives a hint of something to add. NOTE, this section might be best in risks and challenges section. I tend to not want to distract from the story and excitement you are building by implying any risk at this point.

    "Or a stand a-alone adventure PDF will invite" I would remove the or and PDF references, so: "A stand-alone adventure will invite..."

    Personally I don't like how the descriptive text for the five adventures is included in the image. Hard for me to read and doesn't scale with browser text size. Plus I would prefer to read the text before the image, but don't know which way is better

    Campaign Chain, I like this. I wonder if adding a statement to the effect of 'this allows for player agency and a sandbox feeling campaign, while providing all the prepared encounters and interlinking plots for the DM' would be beneficial. i.e. draggin in some positive keywords

    Adventure Features section. I think I like the idea of listing generic (FG and PDF) features and then having a second section of FG unique or enhanced features. That would make the bonus to the FG modules apparent, plus prevent any confusion fr PDF only buyers and keep you from needing to keep saying FG/VTT or PDF. This might mean the section would look like:

    • Dozens of detailed encounter locations (inc. Sky, Underwater, Arena, Sewers, Rooftops, Ship, Dragon) with maps as well as overland maps to track movement. Typically 8-10 encounters per adventure.
    • Campaign-relevant NPC tokens using my digitally modified versions (licensed from Token Master Devin Night).
    • ...



    Fantasy Grounds modules include enhance features such as:

    • Maps complete with built-in Line of Sight and Lighting.
    • Coded Item/Weapon/Spell Effects for in-game automation.
    • ...
    You have a duplicate section "Campaign Chain: The Concept" after your "Adventure Features" section.

    Under My XP, I would add a blurb about your project management and delivery skills/experience. Maybe something as simple as updating the first sentence to something like:

    With 40 Kickstarter campaigns demonstrating my ability to manage projects and fulfill my commitments, I am now looking to combine my love of map-making with story writing
    and my ability to build and officially release content through Smiteworks virtual tabletop program Fantasy Grounds Unity, and will also be available as a set of digital PDF's and image files.
    After this section you have a short video. Not sure this is relevant? Don't know what this is.
    Then you have an image showing a mockup in Tabletop Simulator. Which is the first time you;ve mentioned TTS and might not be appropriate or cause confusion. I would think to remove it.

    I'm alos a bit confused or distracted by these two paragraphs and would suggest deleting them:
    It has always been my intention...

    And, to stay focused at my desk ...

    Problems? See; How to Report Issues, Bugs & Problems
    On Licensing & Distributing Community Content
    Community Contributions: Gemstones, 5E Quick Ref Decal, Adventure Module Creation, Dungeon Trinkets, Balance Disturbed, Dungeon Room Descriptions
    Note, I am not a SmiteWorks employee or representative, I'm just a user like you.

  5. #5
    Hello Lord - I have those and more changes - would you take another look when you have a minute and tell me what you think please?

    Kind Regards,
    Kris
    KrisfromGTW / aka 'Maphatter'. gametilewarehouse2020.com

  6. #6
    LordEntrails's Avatar
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    I hope some others chime in. I'm happy to contribute, but of course mine is only one perspective

    Really compelling and clear to me. I really like what you have done. Very easy for me to understand what the project offers and why I would want to back it. Good job Only two small points this time:

    The story PDF you have linked, for me this is actually a JPG file and not a PDF, not sure your intent there. I can read it either way.

    One question I have about the the Campaign Chain, does this (or the adventure themselves) provide guidance on adjusting the encounters based upon the party level? i.e. a party of level 1 is going to have vastly different encounter capabilities than a level 4 or 5 party. Note sure where, but I think you should mentioned that (if you've provided guidance on adapting for party level).

    Problems? See; How to Report Issues, Bugs & Problems
    On Licensing & Distributing Community Content
    Community Contributions: Gemstones, 5E Quick Ref Decal, Adventure Module Creation, Dungeon Trinkets, Balance Disturbed, Dungeon Room Descriptions
    Note, I am not a SmiteWorks employee or representative, I'm just a user like you.

  7. #7
    LordEntrails's Avatar
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    Oh, what about stretch goals? I'm very leary of suggesting these, especially anything that requires more content be generated, but I know lots of people really like stretch goals. Maybe you could add something like additional tokens from Devin? Or some of your previous map assets? Something that adds value, but not substantial work on your part. (Maybe you have some previously unpublished maps or even decorative tokens?)

    Problems? See; How to Report Issues, Bugs & Problems
    On Licensing & Distributing Community Content
    Community Contributions: Gemstones, 5E Quick Ref Decal, Adventure Module Creation, Dungeon Trinkets, Balance Disturbed, Dungeon Room Descriptions
    Note, I am not a SmiteWorks employee or representative, I'm just a user like you.

  8. #8
    Thanks for all your energy and assistance Lord, I've tweaked the two changes you suggest. As to Stretch Goals... I will think about that.
    KrisfromGTW / aka 'Maphatter'. gametilewarehouse2020.com

  9. #9
    Geas: Broken Gods is now live on Kickstarter - wish me luck guys. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects...venture-series
    KrisfromGTW / aka 'Maphatter'. gametilewarehouse2020.com

  10. #10
    Hello and thank you very much to the 9 of you that have pledged in Geas: Broken Gods and believe in its promise as much as I do. I present to you some of the unique characters that live on this brave new world - added also to the main campaign page - and remain optimistic that we will fund even if its hard-going.

    The_Maphatter_UTC_11_fantasy_realm_mountain_spire_in_distance_p_4f13d0a3-ae96-443c-868e-41474294.png

    In a world with unusual physics and complications such as a living world that resents being mined, or an environment changed by the colours of the Spectra as the suns and moons coalesce, one might expect strange beings to make Geas their home - and one would be right to do so. I introduce some of those beings below with the intention to transfer them to 5e character sheets when we eventually fund.

    I hope you will enjoy me sharing another little piece of my imagination. Geasian Character Sheet.jpg
    KrisfromGTW / aka 'Maphatter'. gametilewarehouse2020.com

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