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Elderly Fire Elemental

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The other day I was perusing the Monster Manual for a suitable foe for the party, and my eye wandered across the listing for "Elder Fire Elemental". But for whatever reason, my brain read it as "Elderly Fire Elemental", which made me giggle. The idea kept bouncing around in my skull for a couple days, so I knew I had to write it down.

So without further ado, here it is. Enjoy!

Fire Elemental, Elderly
Huge Elemental
Hit Dice: 24d8 (108 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square)
Armor Class: 16 (-2 size, +8 natural)
touch 8, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +14/+28
Attack: Cane +22 melee (2d6+4 plus 2d8 fire)
Full Attack: Cane +22/+17 (2d6+4 plus 2d8 fire)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Burn, Stinking Cloud
Special Qualities: Damage reduction 10/-,
darkvision 60ft., elemental traits,
immunity to fire,
vulnerability to cold,
Saves: Fort +10, Ref +19, Will +11
Abilities: Str 14, Dex 21, Con 10,
Int 7, Wis 12, Cha 12
Skills: Listen -10, Spot -10
Feats: Alertness, Blind-Fight, Combat
Reflexes, Dodge, Improved Initiative(B)
Great Fortitude, Iron Will, Mobility,
Spring Attack, Weapon Finesse(B),
Weapon Focus (cane)
Environment: Elemental Plane of Fire
Organization: Solitary, pair, or entire busload (4d10)
Challenge Rating: 10
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually neutral
Advancement: None
Level Adjustment: --

A mass of silver-tinged flame shuffles across the ground, seeming to flicker and spark from a stooped, cane-wielding, humanoid-shaped central conflagration. Like a living inferno, the fire-creature’s burning stagger of heat and flame brings it slowly closer.

Time leaves its mark on all creatures, even fire elementals. Though they may have been fast and agile in their prime, elderly fire elementals no longer are. But even in their twilight years their merest touch is sufficient to set many materials aflame.

An elderly fire elemental cannot enter water or any other nonflammable liquid. A body of water is an impassable barrier unless the elemental can step or jump over it (the latter is unlikely to be attempted).

Elderly fire elementals speak Ignan, and often do so. Most of their commentary consists of a litany of physical ailments and recountings of the antics of their grandchildren. Their voices sound like the crackle and hiss of a great fire.

An elderly fire elemental is a fierce opponent that attacks its enemies directly and savagely. It takes joy in burning the creatures and objects of the Material Plane to ashes.

Burn (Ex): An elderly fire elemental’s cane attack deals bludgeoning damage plus fire damage from the elemental’s flaming body. Those hit by an elderly fire elemental’s slam attack also must succeed on a Reflex save or catch on fire. The flame burns for 1d4 rounds. The save DC for an elderly fire elemental is 22. A burning creature can take a move action to put out the flame. The save DC is Constitution-based. Creatures hitting an elderly fire elemental with natural weapons or unarmed attacks take fire damage as though hit by the elemental’s attack, and also catch on fire unless they succeed on a Reflex save.

Stinking Cloud (Ex): Each round of combat, there is a 25% chance the Elderly Fire Elemental will cast the equivalent of a Stinking Cloud spell as a free action, centered on one of its own squares. The effective caster level of this effect is 12th, and the save DC is 21. This save DC is Constitution-based. Note that elderly fire elementals are immune to the effects of their own Stinking Clouds, but not to those cast by others.

Forgetfulness (Ex): Each round there is a 10% chance the Elderly Fire Elemental will forget what his is doing and just shout “Hey, you kids, get off my lawn!” in Ignan.

Skills: Elderly fire elementals are a bit hard of hearing, and most wear bifocals.

Elderly fire elementals stand about 30 ft. tall (they claim they were 40 ft. when they were younger). They weigh about 12 pounds, and their weight is closely monitored by their physician.

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Tags: humor, monster


  1. LordEntrails's Avatar
    Thanks for sharing

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